Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Other stepmoms do you have to deal with this and how do u handle it?

my bf and i live together for the last 4 yrs.he has joint c and equal and set visitation with his exwife for thier 9yr old son.on the days/weekends my bf does not have his son i tend to make plans for us to do things together.well his ex tends to call sometimes last min or weeks in advance the change the schedule around to suit her.the problem is my bf will discuss all the details with her and agree to what ever she wants 1st before he even checks with me to see if i had anything planned.yes i know emergencies come up but her getting a hot date does not count in my book.i have told him i would just like a phone call to see if i had anything planned before he agrees to any changes.most of the time he will have an excuse why he could not call me(forgot,to busy at work)i think hes just afraid of her and knows she will have a fit if he says to her %26quot;i have to check with sue(me) 1st%26quot; as she still wants to call the shots.is this worth fighting over with my bf because thats what its come to.Other stepmoms do you have to deal with this and how do u handle it?
Well, first off. Congrats on putting up with that this long. It takes love and patience which you obviously have. Secondly, you have to make it know that you want the respect of being informed of the decision or you'll never get it. After four years, it's kinda late in the game, but it's not impossible. Just don't expect it to busy. He is under her controll to an extent (DON'T SAY THAT TO HIM!!!). Also, she must have some type of influence over him. she sound controlling. You cannot be the same way. so don't forcebly demand anything from him. Try this:



If he decides to get his son duringa time that you have something planned for you and him, change the plans to where it incorporates all three of you. If not, don;t pout. Tell him that you don't appreciate being ignored and that you expect for him to inform you.



it's his son so you can't expect for him to just say no b/c ya'll have plans. His son does not live with him so there is a part of him that wants to be there as much as he can. Support him and don't stress him more.